I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize