Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
