5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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