I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize