I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize