before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
