Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
