The maid of honor just puked.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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