So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i drank out of a bidet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
