I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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