Got a toothbrush?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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