she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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