Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
