I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
