4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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