i just google imaged poop.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
