after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
