Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize