dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
