Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
