I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My bed smells like the plague
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
