After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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