You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
