Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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