apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I AM VODKA MAN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
