There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
