is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need a burrito and a hug.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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