Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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