my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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