Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
