shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
