i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
