Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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