I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
