My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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