I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
