he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
