I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
