I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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