Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
