so explain again why im purple
no
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
