Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
