My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
