Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
