i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
