I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize