got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
