Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
