how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
