question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
