Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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