Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
