Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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