if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
