Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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