If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
