I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
worst night to have a conscience
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
