Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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