thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
