My friends, they love my intelligence
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
