highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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