Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize