I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
