my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
