even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
