I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
