she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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