I'm gonna have a badass scar
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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