There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
