yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
