Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
