don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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