I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
