Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I came so hard my ears popped.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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