just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
