He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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