I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
