just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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