i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
