So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
