Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
