you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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