You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
