Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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