I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
