Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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